When we ask someone who or how they want to be, the most frequent initial replies are about what they do not want. "I do not want to be reactive, I do not want to be needy, I do not want to be x, y, or z."
Although in coaching we encourage clients to set positive desired outcomes, I have found the value in being clear about who or how we do not want to be. My inspiration and example to follow come from The Office and one particular character - Dwight - and his words of wisdom:
"Whenever I am about to do something, I think 'would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing."
Having a very clear and specific idea of who we want to be is perfect. We get focused direction, we build on that, we take actions accordingly and we develop new habits and behaviors.
Having a very clear idea of who we do not want to be can be perfect too - and very effective - with this simple rule of thumb. Like Dwight, every time you have the impulse to react to a situation, just ask yourself: "would an aggressive (insecure, mean, ... you name it) person do that?" If the answer is yes, DON'T do it!
Although in coaching we encourage clients to set positive desired outcomes, I have found the value in being clear about who or how we do not want to be. My inspiration and example to follow come from The Office and one particular character - Dwight - and his words of wisdom:
"Whenever I am about to do something, I think 'would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing."
Having a very clear and specific idea of who we want to be is perfect. We get focused direction, we build on that, we take actions accordingly and we develop new habits and behaviors.
Having a very clear idea of who we do not want to be can be perfect too - and very effective - with this simple rule of thumb. Like Dwight, every time you have the impulse to react to a situation, just ask yourself: "would an aggressive (insecure, mean, ... you name it) person do that?" If the answer is yes, DON'T do it!
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