Actions vs Symptoms

As an introvert, I have always found any situation that required me to be in a group for more than a day, without any free time for myself, challenging.

I know that sometimes I was judged as strange or aloof when I removed myself from the crowd, just for a while, to recharge.

I am lucky enough now to be in a profession where every one knows – more or less – what being an introvert means and that if I isolate myself for a while I am not being antisocial; when I am engaging in one on one conversations it’s not because I reject others.

Nowadays we can find a plethora of articles about introverts, so it’s ok now to be a “weirdo” and you do not have to apologize for your behavior any more.

What happens though with other traits of ours, or conditions that cannot be changed and which define or control our actions?

I have a health condition, which is balanced and controlled through diet. I must eat regularly and specific things. If not, I get symptoms. Physical symptoms I can cope with. But when I get the emotional symptoms it's a nightmare, even if the crisis only lasts for 20 minutes. Such symptoms obviously affect my behavior.

Recently, after unfortunately having a crisis, I apologized for my behavior. I felt horrible and really bad. What made me feel worse was the fact that the others present were expecting me to control my actions during the crisis, unable to accept the fact that it was a symptom that could not be overcome cognitively. 

The next day I was skeptical: if I were suffering from an obvious illness, I wouldn’t have to apologize for my symptoms.

Three years ago I wrote a short post about the transient nature of appearance. We get easily judged for what seem to be our actions.

This can go much deeper as a problem, when we are expected to apologize for actions that go beyond our control, losing any empathy or understanding that we should have (let alone help).