Who is the strongest person you know?

By strongest, I do not mean the person who can lift the most weight or pull trucks and airplanes. I mean the person whose strength you admire and consider that it exceeds common strength by far.

These past years I have come to the conclusion that I have been considerably privileged with my family. It provided me with many role models of strength, starting with my grand parents and following with my parents. There are stories that make me wonder at their courage and resilience. Among my family there is one member who has my admiration and awe: my mother.

My mother is the strongest person I know. It’s not just the fact that she overcomes any serious medical condition, much to the doctors’ surprise. It’s her spirit and her attitude. Despite living with pain, in and out of hospitals, undergoing painful procedures, with a body that has failed her, she never complains. She remains patient with remarkable endurance. I never heard her say she cannot stand it any more, I have never seen her quit or have a negative thought.

For me, this is strength. This is the kind of strength that I would like to have in my life.

How about you? Who is the strongest person you know? 

Time to Be Happy

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments: Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World

Anyone in need of inspiration?

Everything in Moderation

These two magnets and their messages have been decorating my refrigerator these past years, serving as daily reminders (plus I like the colors). There is only a slight variation to the first one, in my head, replacing “expect” with “do”. I frequently follow these messages with no sense of boundaries.

Looking at them today, I realized that these two messages have also become my worst advisors. I have been constantly neglecting the main reminder I keep at the bottom right side of my desktop: a scale!

As an activator, I tend to forget to pause, to keep my balance, to recognize that there are limits and they have to do with self-care. Spending the entire day in bed yesterday due to illness was the perfect opportunity to see these magnets through different eyes today. I didn’t draw that scale (action - pause) five years ago randomly. It was part of a power tool I was creating to use with my clients and which I very much needed four years ago when I suffered a burnout. Hence I stuck it where I would be able to see it constantly.

Yes, I do, risk, care and dream more. Yes, I doubt limits; I know most of them are inside our minds. Yet these minds do not have limitless energy.

Time to add one more reminder, much bigger and brighter, from the ancient Greek philosophers this time: Μέτρον άριστον (Everything in moderation), by Kleoboulos!

Venting without Aggression

      “Everyone gets frustrated and aggressive, and I’d sooner take my aggression 

       out on a guitar than on a person.”

       Paul Weller

I am practicing a profession where it is not uncommon to deal with people’ s frustrations. And although we all try to be as assertive as possible, sometimes frustration leads us to aggressive words without us even noticing.

      “The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how  

       our words and behaviors affect the rights and well being of others.”

       Sharon Anthony Bower

I am lucky not to have to face such behavior often. Yet, words may be spoken and then it’s my turn not to vent my frustration into a new circle of aggression and reaction. But just breathe and let go. And grab a guitar or even better enjoy the guitar of others J

Note to all: Shit happens. We may not be able to control all that happens, but we can certainly control what we do and say when it happens. No need to take it out on others like they were a punching bag.

"Potato, Potato" or a Modern Day Babel

“Why don’t you add at the end of the message what you think it’s best to do?” asked a friend after reviewing an email I'd composed before I pressed the send button. 

“I am of the British school”, I replied immediately laughing, and I showed him the following table to give him a better idea of what I meant (and why I was laughing).

In my email, I had made a suggestion. Like British people, I made the suggestion so that it would be followed. Otherwise, why make a suggestion in the first place?  Like non-Brits, my friend (and the mail's recipients in all likelihood ) would assume that it’s just an idea, no need to follow it.

Business and other implications of such a misunderstanding aside and viewed in a lighthearted manner, I find this very amusing. I think of the number of times that I may have been told by someone “that’s interesting” and actually felt good when the reality could be that they were saying "this sucks".

Part of me is tempted to let any misunderstandings and confusion be and just enjoy without care a harmless Babel.  

Alas, the little voice of conscientiousness inside my head warns me that confusions can seldom be harmless and we better communicate as clearly as possible – in any language, against any cultural background. 

The Truth about Complaining

My moment of insight today came from a tweet by Dan Rockwell: 

Complainers have more goals for others than they have for themselves. #leadership
— Dan Rockwell (@Leadershipfreak) April 19, 2014

Four years ago, at a seminar with Katherine Woodward Thomas, I learned about the difference between expectations (what I expect to happen) and intentions (what I intend to do). Having an intention is a proactive process. Having expectations is the adoption of a passive attitude. While what I learned then was about where our power lies – with expectations that power is handed over to others – this tweet made it all more clear to me:

Intentions are about our own goals; the goals, the desired outcome,  that we choose to commit to and move forward from that point. Expectations are about the goals we set for others. Once these expectations are not met – meaning that the other person has failed to meet the goals we've set for them – bitterness, disappointment and complaints set in.

I used to be a complainer for many years until I discovered that that was unfair to everyone. I projected an unsolicited load onto others and at the same time I was not acknowledging myself the ability to have full control over the direction of my life.

Be fair: set your own goals. Be accountable for your own goals and actions and let others decide what they want and need their goals and responsibilities to be. We can and should be the masters of only one life: our own.

Study. Understand. Never forget.

47 years ago today a military coup marked the beginning of a very dark period for my country. On this anniversary, my post is dedicated to an important reminder about history: it is important to not only study history but to profoundly understand it and never forget its lessons.

“Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it.” (Edmund Burke)

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." (George Santayana) 

The Joy of Life

Do you want to see what the joy of life looks like? 
You can see it in the eyes of this inspiring 78 year old woman. 
Watch this video all the way through.

The Resurrection of Hope

In Greece, every Holy Saturday at midnight, we kiss each other to a chorus of fireworks, church bells and chanting priests, spreading the word that “Χριστός Ανέστη” (Christ has risen).

Faith, Love and Hope have won. 

As a non-religious person, I choose to keep a simple symbolism of the Resurrection of Christ: the victory of light over darkness. It’s the proof of the splendor and power of morality, strength and love.

Every Holy Saturday for the past few years, at midnight, I tweet my wish and hope: “Christ has risen. Now it’s our turn.”

On Secret Dreams

“What is your secret dream?” asked the actress her co-protagonist in a movie.

“You know”, she continued, “the secret you only reveal after consuming a sufficient amount of alcohol”.

Their dialogue continued but I was already lost in my thoughts. Why have a secret dream? Secret from whom?

We keep dreams secret not from others, but from ourselves. It’s our own judgment that we are afraid of. We are either intimidated by the power our dreams can have, or we want to spare ourselves the frustration of not accomplishing them. Oh, there is also the belief we might have grown up with: that dreams do not come true; they belong to fairy tales.

What is left then? If we do not confess our dreams not even to ourselves, if we keep them so secret that not even we can know them, then how are we supposed to go after them? How are we supposed to live a happy, fulfilling life?

Martin Luther King's, Jr. speech and actions were about his dream. What would have happened if that had been a secret dream?

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.” (Carl Sandburg)

Dare to dream. And dare to dream loudly. Let your dreams be known to others but most importantly to yourself. Talk confidently about them and surrender to the direction they will take you. 

It all starts in our mind

          If the structures of the human mind remain unchanged, 

          we will always end up re-creating the same world, the same evils, 

          the same dysfunction.

          Eckhart Tolle

Free Yourself

The hardest prison to escape is in your mind.

image credit: John Beckers

Compassion

The best lesson I could have taught my nieces today: 

                            Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. 
                                                                                          Dalai Lama

Ability vs Willingness

“Why don’t you change that phrase into ‘the seed that you will sow’?”, asked my friend – aka support structure for this blog – regarding the last sentence of a recent post. “I think ‘will’ is more positive than ‘can’ ”, she added.

She is right. What you "will" do sounds more positive than what you "can" do. But here is the thing: my aim wasn't to make it more positive. When I ask "what can you do", I am acknowledging that there are things that can be done, I am acknowledging your ability to act. The purpose was to make the reader reflect precisely from that perspective.

I believe that each one of us has potential and unique abilities. There are countless things, little things that we can do daily. Tiny seeds that we can sow and watch them grow.

It’s not our ability that is missing; it’s the awareness of and confidence in that ability. 

So I am making the question again: What can you do? 

Commit to finding the answer. And once you have it, decide how willing you are to actually do it.

Count Your Blessings

Today was my niece’s concert. A gallery, a beautiful space full of light and art was hosting a recital by the young students of the local conservatory.

Little pianists, guitarists and violinists were playing one after the other their solos or duets. As I sat next to the stage, I turned my head to see the crowd (their parents):

I saw people disconnected from the present, unable to appreciate what they had right there, right now. They were in a place surrounded by beauty, the art on the walls and the music in the air, played, performed before them and just for them by their own children; I do nor remember seeing any smiles. I do not remember seeing appreciation and happiness in those faces.

A couple of hours later, at the supermarket, I was approached by the local social supermarket volunteers. They were sharing information and encouraging shoppers to contribute. They run a soup kitchen and help out destitute families with basic food supplies.

While I was buying what they had told me they needed the most, I was overwhelmed with a mix of emotions. I felt angry, frustrated and sad. The people at the concert had everything before them yet they had no idea. They refused to look around, to feel gratitude and joy and to give their child and the rest of the children their warmest smile.

Count your blessings. Always. They are more than you think.  

How far are you willing to go?

Today I drove 180 km for work. Viewed purely from a business perspective, the hard fact is that I shouldn’t have done that; it wasn’t “good business”.

On my way back home I was smiling, tired but happy: I have taken the first step towards a vision of mine. All it cost me was challenging and abandoning any idea of what should and should not be done. And driving 180 km.

This is a Thai commercial that has gone viral and I believe perfectly relates to this message. The Hero performs his glorious tasks for what he desires most: a world made more beautiful.

When it comes to your vision, when it comes to your goals, dreams and desires, how far are you willing to go? What is the first step that you will take, the seed that you can sow? 

Your Greatest Obstacle

“What’s stopping you?” was a question I asked in my video for the Reaching Re-Birth project.

The same question comes up in almost every coaching conversation: the clients – coachees have a specific goal or know what they want to create. What is stopping them then?

During a presentation yesterday, I invited the audience to do an exercise. Towards the end of that exercise, I asked them to identify the obstacles in the way of their goal; internal and external. A few minutes later, the answer was clear: there are no obstacles.

The greatest challenge to overcome is always our self and what lies inside our head. It appears as our inner critic, our gremlins, limiting beliefs we are hooked on, the chatter inside our brain about the worst case scenario and the magnification of some potential unfavorable conditions; about anything that will prove how our limiting beliefs are right.

Happiness, success, fulfillment, it all originates in our own mind. Stop getting in your own way.

On Milestones and Celebration

Today I celebrate a milestone, the first 100 blog posts of my 365 days project, with a simple message:

It doesn’t matter if things are hard or easy. It doesn’t matter if we haven’t crossed the finishing line yet. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances and conditions are. Nothing needs to be perfect, finished, in the best conditions to celebrate. Every step of our way, every step of the path we make is worth celebrating and giving our friends and the people around us the opportunity to celebrate together.

Today’s post is about milestones. About allowing ourselves to feel joy and celebrate these milestones, no matter how difficult it might seem. 

* This post was published between a hospital visit and a presentation. 

The Freedom of Self-Management

“What is self-management?” was the question today. To discover, once again, that it all begins with self-love.

Self management goes beyond any discipline that we impose on ourselves. It’s about how we handle our emotions, our ability to respond rather than react to situations, how we cope with stress. It is about what our relationship with our body and health is in practice: how we show self care and respect. It is about what we do with our money, our time and our people. It is about our dedication to what matters to us most and how we follow through the commitments that arise from this dedication. It is about the life we live in accordance to our values.

It is about our thoughts and beliefs, about our perceptions and misconceptions. It is about attaining awareness of these, so that we can address any issue, make the right decisions, take the right action at any given moment.

It all starts with self-love. The secret ingredient without which no self-management will have any reason to exist and happen.

With self-love come the value and respect that we give to our values, our goals, our bodies, our lives.

The result? Freedom. The unique freedom that we are the masters of our lives. 

Do Good Things Hurt?

While reading an article on the biggest misconceptions about life, an old reply of mine, on Quora, came to mind. The question was:

"Why do good things hurt?" 

Good things never hurt. That is an oxymoron. 

If we are hurt by something good, then we should reconsider the source of our hurt/ pain.

Take love, for example. People say that 'love hurts'. Which is totally misleading. True love never hurts. True love liberates our soul and our spirit.

What can hurt may be the unmet expectations, for example. But then, it will not be love that will have hurt us, but our own preconceived ideas of what the other should be/do.

Another example is that 'truth hurts'. Again, truth brings awareness. And in what way can awareness hurt? It can only support insights and growth.

What can hurt is the disappointment that the idea or beliefs we had are proven false. The revelation that the reality we had built is not actually real. So, it is actually a false belief that is hurting, not the truth, which can only set us free (once we decide to see it this way).

Bottom line is that if something good hurts, then something is not good there and it usually isn't the "thing".