For an open agenda

“Make sure you are expressing your goals and vision”, I read in an article. “As part of your motivation, your values and as part of what you stand for” it continued.

Oh, how different things would be if only people were expressing their true goals and we all knew who was standing for what.  If everyone, especially our aspiring leaders in any field, expressed their true agenda openly and honestly, how followers would respond then?

"Openness, transparency - these are among the few weapons the citizenry has to protect itself from the powerful and the corrupt." (Michael Moore) 

Is What You Are Doing Serving You?

Is what you are doing serving you?   

By serving you I mean does it bring you closer to your goal?

Is it congruent with your commitment to self-care? 

Does it support your growth, learning, and development?

Is it pulling you forward or is it pushing you back?

Does it feed any of your insecurities, fears, undesired beliefs and feelings?

Does it make you feel better and be better? 

If yes, good. Go on, keep doing it.

If not, stop. 

Fighting Inertia

A friend asked me just a moment ago, why someone who is not satisfied with a situation doesn’t do anything about it.

He himself is feeling frustrated and stressed about something specific in his life. He knows exactly what he wants to change, he has a very concrete image of what he wants to achieve, yet he does nothing for it.

“Why is that?” he asked me.

Our change starts the moment we bravely face the situation and acknowledge the problem. That is always the first step. So, from that perspective, he is doing something.

The second step is done when we reach out to a professional who we know can help us.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”, says a Buddhist proverb.

That’s when we make a decision to work consciously on what we want to achieve – our third step – and we are able to recognize our “teacher”; the person who will accompany us on our journey of change.

Sometimes, the "why" my friend asked may be hiding in many different reasons:

• A structure that we are missing (aka the right professional)
• A commitment from our side (our decision)
• A underlying belief that is supported by the current situation
• A fear of the unknown, the unfamiliar
• A lack of connection with a vision

All of the above increase our self doubt and lack of confidence and the voice of the inner critic – this saboteur inside our head – becomes louder; we create excuses, we rationalize so many things to support our inertia; our frustration, even our stress levels increase (my friend suffers from stress). Depending on the levels of stress and distrust in ourselves, our decision-making ability is affected and we dive deeper into this vicious circle.

How to get rid of this circle?

Acknowledge the situation, make a decision, find the right person to help you, create a plan, enjoy your change. 

Getting Better with Active Questions

During a presentation with the title “Why We Don’t Do What We Know We Should Do: and How We Can Improve Our Odds on Getting Better!” at the WBECS, Marshall Goldsmith shared six active questions:

Did I do my best to:

1. Set clear goals?
2. Make progress toward goal achievement?
3. Build positive relationships?
4. Be happy?
5. Find meaning?
6. Be fully engaged?

Such active questions encourage people to think about what they can do to take responsibility for a situation.

If you were going to create your own list of six active questions to improve your odds on getting better, what would these questions be? 

Best thing I heard today

"Even when I have insomnia, I dream."

Photo: Joel Robison 

Go for What You Need

During a meeting yesterday, I mentioned the problem with delivering services that the client wants, whereas we must help them explore what it is that they need.

Talking with a colleague again today, the same topic came up.

On more than one occasion, an organization is open to discussing what their current challenges are and which needs are emerging, but even with this awareness they prefer to stick with what is familiar – what has been done in the past, or what others are doing.

This also happens with individuals: having just spoken with a friend, he knows what needs to be changed in his team, he knows that they do not get the results they need, he still opts for doing the same. No alternative approach is considered.

And with more personal issues: how many people suffer in a specific area of their life? And they may have a very good idea that their suffering is the result of x reasons. How do they approach the solution? By consistently doing the same thing. Over and over again. Expecting that something will change.

“What got you here won’t get you there” is not only the name of a very popular book of Marshall Goldsmith; it’s also a fact. How do we expect to be doing the same thing and get different results?

In January, I wrote a very short post about the power of our thoughts. It’s our thoughts that will define our lives ultimately. Our behaviors are a result of our thoughts and beliefs.

Yesterday I wrote about Control.

What is it that we must let go of, abandon, how do we need to reframe control, so that we can gain the outcomes that we need?

Learning is about courage. Have the courage to disengage emotionally from what you want, to get what you actually need.

What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful

What do you focus on?

It is known that what we should focus on is found where the things that matter and the things we can control meet. Everything that falls into this space is where we should invest our energy, time and resources.

But here is the thing; there are two preconditions for that to happen:

a. Being aware of what matters to us and 

b. Accepting that we cannot control everything. 

What do you think? How easy is it for you to know what you should focus on? 

Notes on Goal Setting

When it comes to goal setting, there are many models that can be used: From the very popular SMART, to SMARTER, EXACT, and countless more that can be found with a basic google search.

Regardless of which model you are end up using, there are basically three elements that really matter:

1.     Relevance. What makes this goal meaningful to me? How is it relevant to what I want to create in my life, to who I am and what is important to me; to my vision and values? Relevance is what will give us motivation and ownership of the goal.

2.     Specifics. Exactly what is it that I want to achieve? When? How will I know it has been achieved? Specifics provide us with the necessary clarity and, eventually, even with the entire road map we need to follow.

3.     Appraisal. How can I evaluate the results? This will give us the opportunity to reflect on what has worked and what needs to be improved or changed and whether we are on track. 

The Truth about Complaining

My moment of insight today came from a tweet by Dan Rockwell: 

Complainers have more goals for others than they have for themselves. #leadership
— Dan Rockwell (@Leadershipfreak) April 19, 2014

Four years ago, at a seminar with Katherine Woodward Thomas, I learned about the difference between expectations (what I expect to happen) and intentions (what I intend to do). Having an intention is a proactive process. Having expectations is the adoption of a passive attitude. While what I learned then was about where our power lies – with expectations that power is handed over to others – this tweet made it all more clear to me:

Intentions are about our own goals; the goals, the desired outcome,  that we choose to commit to and move forward from that point. Expectations are about the goals we set for others. Once these expectations are not met – meaning that the other person has failed to meet the goals we've set for them – bitterness, disappointment and complaints set in.

I used to be a complainer for many years until I discovered that that was unfair to everyone. I projected an unsolicited load onto others and at the same time I was not acknowledging myself the ability to have full control over the direction of my life.

Be fair: set your own goals. Be accountable for your own goals and actions and let others decide what they want and need their goals and responsibilities to be. We can and should be the masters of only one life: our own.

How far are you willing to go?

Today I drove 180 km for work. Viewed purely from a business perspective, the hard fact is that I shouldn’t have done that; it wasn’t “good business”.

On my way back home I was smiling, tired but happy: I have taken the first step towards a vision of mine. All it cost me was challenging and abandoning any idea of what should and should not be done. And driving 180 km.

This is a Thai commercial that has gone viral and I believe perfectly relates to this message. The Hero performs his glorious tasks for what he desires most: a world made more beautiful.

When it comes to your vision, when it comes to your goals, dreams and desires, how far are you willing to go? What is the first step that you will take, the seed that you can sow? 

Your Greatest Obstacle

“What’s stopping you?” was a question I asked in my video for the Reaching Re-Birth project.

The same question comes up in almost every coaching conversation: the clients – coachees have a specific goal or know what they want to create. What is stopping them then?

During a presentation yesterday, I invited the audience to do an exercise. Towards the end of that exercise, I asked them to identify the obstacles in the way of their goal; internal and external. A few minutes later, the answer was clear: there are no obstacles.

The greatest challenge to overcome is always our self and what lies inside our head. It appears as our inner critic, our gremlins, limiting beliefs we are hooked on, the chatter inside our brain about the worst case scenario and the magnification of some potential unfavorable conditions; about anything that will prove how our limiting beliefs are right.

Happiness, success, fulfillment, it all originates in our own mind. Stop getting in your own way.

On Milestones and Celebration

Today I celebrate a milestone, the first 100 blog posts of my 365 days project, with a simple message:

It doesn’t matter if things are hard or easy. It doesn’t matter if we haven’t crossed the finishing line yet. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances and conditions are. Nothing needs to be perfect, finished, in the best conditions to celebrate. Every step of our way, every step of the path we make is worth celebrating and giving our friends and the people around us the opportunity to celebrate together.

Today’s post is about milestones. About allowing ourselves to feel joy and celebrate these milestones, no matter how difficult it might seem. 

* This post was published between a hospital visit and a presentation. 

Tip to reach goals (and success)

This year I set myself a very difficult goal. As always.

As always, I am determined to reach this almost unrealistic goal.

Here is how I am going to do it: everyday I make sure I have taken at least one action towards that goal. Big one or small one, it doesn’t matter. All I need is to have a positive answer when I ask myself at the end of the day: “did I do at least one thing today that can serve my goal?”

Try it:

Set a goal that is really important to you. It can be about your health, your personal life, your career, anything.

Each morning write down one small step that you can take. It can be something very easy to begin with. 

"The first step binds one to the second."
                                        (French proverb) 

If you feel uncertain or afraid, no problem: 

“Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.”
                                                   (Walter Anderson) 

Keep in mind that action is the best restorer and confidence builder and just do it. The more confident you become, the more motivated you will be to keep going.

After all, 

“action is the foundational key to all success”.
                                                     (Pablo Picasso) 

Incompatible Dreams

Two days ago a friend of mine told me that not all dreams are compatible. That we can have, for example, two dreams that are totally incompatible one with another, and that is ok. Hearing that, both my mind and my spirit impulsively revolted at the idea.

Since I was a child, my dream was to live in a boat. As close to the sea as possible, yet attached to land and always ready to sail for any destination the wind should take me. Soon I became aware of another dream of mine: to have my own garden. Now that was an incompatible dream according to my friend. I obviously could not have a garden on my boat. So, what do I choose? Should I sacrifice one dream for the other?

The solution for me is easy. One day I would have my boat, my second home. I would live in a regular house, if lucky with my own garden, if not with a shared one and big verandas for my plants and then I would have my boat to spend as much time as possible, to sail away as possible.

To my understanding the solution is never giving up on one of the “incompatible” dreams. I do not believe in incompatible dreams in the first place. It is our perception that gives them this stamp. And once they are stamped as that, then it is ok not to pursue them anymore. If we say that what we dream of is incompatible, that’s what it is. If we say – as my father keeps telling me – that everything is possible, then no dream will be incompatible anymore. All it takes is to think outside of the box. To be more precise, other people’s boxes, those who “educate” us in what is compatible and what not. How much to dream and how much to pursue. What makes sense and what not.

I have many dreams. I have never stopped dreaming. Occasionally I catch myself doubting my strength to go after them; my ability to achieve them; my worthiness to live them. I may question my self, but I have never questioned my dreams or the possibility that they are all compatible, no matter how contradictory they sound.

 George Bernard Shaw wrote:

“You see things; and you say ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’”

It is the fact that some dreams have never been combined to the understanding of people that makes them seem incompatible. Our world is full of great things that never were until someone came and acted from that “why not?” point of view.

Funnily enough, the dreams that were torturing my friend, were the exact dreams that another man I know is living. Ok, with a lot of help from his soul mate, who also never saw them as incompatible.  Maybe, all it takes is to ignore what we have been taught to be compatible and expected. Maybe all it takes is to find the other soul that will partner with our dreams. 

I will keep with my own dreams. I never judge them, criticize or approve them as unrealistic, unachievable, or incompatible one with another. I just accept them as they are. After all they are my dreams and they only need to make sense to me.