A Break and Four Lessons

Halfway through July, I had to take a break from blogging.

I was not without inspiration or time. I had at least the same amount of available time as before. I had successfully completed 6 months of my project of daily blogging, I was half-way to my goal, and ideas kept flowing inside my head.

What happened then?

The very important priority of care (for oneself and others) happened. After overcoming the initial guilt of not following through with my commitment – a nightmare for someone who values integrity enormously – I decided to see the opportunity of what this situation was teaching me.

So, after the inspiring lessons of the first 31 days, here are my very useful lessons of a necessary break:

Lesson 1

We can do anything we decide to do.

One of the things we must consider though is the price, the sacrifices. What is the price of a certain commitment? What will we need to let go, neglect, or forget during that time? Is the outcome worth the price? 

Lesson 2 

Commitment and flexibility do not go hand in hand. 

Once we have committed to something we cannot afford flexibility. So before starting, before committing, examine how important flexibility is for you, what kind of flexibility you would like to have, and how you can adjust the commitment. 

Lesson 3

Habits do not last. At least not in my case.

Throughout my life I have had many different habits depending on the place where I was living, the work I was doing, the hobbies I had. None of them lasted. 

After 6 months of the daily habit of blogging, writing had not become an automatic behavior or routine. 

Lesson 4

Make self-care a priority.

It's ok not to do something if this contradicts self-care. In this case, it is not about flexibility, it is about sustainability.

The Truth about Winning (for things that matter)

Only if you fight are you likely to win. 

On Milestones and Celebration

Today I celebrate a milestone, the first 100 blog posts of my 365 days project, with a simple message:

It doesn’t matter if things are hard or easy. It doesn’t matter if we haven’t crossed the finishing line yet. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances and conditions are. Nothing needs to be perfect, finished, in the best conditions to celebrate. Every step of our way, every step of the path we make is worth celebrating and giving our friends and the people around us the opportunity to celebrate together.

Today’s post is about milestones. About allowing ourselves to feel joy and celebrate these milestones, no matter how difficult it might seem. 

* This post was published between a hospital visit and a presentation. 

Mastery

Driving back home today, I turned on the radio and happened to hear an actress talk about Maria Callas. She was describing how hard Callas worked on improving the smallest details. “This is sacrifice”, she said.

I think I almost shouted at the radio “This is mastery!”.

Committed professionals know that to master their craft they need dedication, discipline and a lot of practice. A degree of supremacy in any form of art comes from working on the details no matter how talented we are. 

Maria Callas, La Traviata 

Orchestra sinfonica di Torino della RAI Conducted by Gabriele Santini 1953

 

Joan Miró, La Masía 

1921 - 1922

(etapa detallista)

The Charioteer of Delphi 

478 or 474 BC

Delphi Museum

Fight

Working It Out

Lately, problems (challenges, as we call them wickedly) have made my stress levels hit red. As a result my mind got engaged in a non-productive inner dialogue so I needed to urgently do something to shut the thing down. I immediately found an activity that keeps all irrelevant thoughts out: climbing! It worked perfectly. A couple of hours with only the worry of where and how to put your hands and feet. At some point the instructor suggested that I repeat something. I simply replied “No, I’ll pass; I am actually very lazy and avoid effort”. He looked at me surprised. All the people there go precisely to work hard on improving their climbing skills.

Later the same day I started thinking of an “old friend” if I can call him that. Our relationship was over because “it needed so much work”. So, I wondered. What is it that makes people work so hard training, sweating, spending hours challenging and improving their physical skills, but, when it comes to relationships “it’s too much work”?

I was lazy as an athlete too, and I never missed a good opportunity to skip training or part of it. I suspect this is the main reason I do almost everything well from the beginning. I am too lazy to practice again and again. On the other hand, when it comes to people and relationships, when it comes to my emotional / social skills, I never give up. I endure, I practice, I fight. And so I thought all people did. Until I heard that “it’s so much work”…

What is the criteria of what is worth working on and what is not? How can we so easily focus our efforts on something like climbing a wall or building the perfect fit body, but avoid any inconvenience to explore at least the potential of a relationship? What makes spending our energy on conquering that wall more important than spending it in making someone smile? And why is it considered an effort in the first place?

Even at bowling (another activity I tried for stopping the inner chatter), we have 10 shots for each game. The game is not decided by just one shot. Every player has the fair amount of 10 attempts. Yet in relationships and especially in love, most people won’t give more than one. Either you have a strike or you’re out of the game.

When is comes to relationships my endurance is endless and so are the shots I am willing to make. I take my chances, I make mistakes (too many I would say), I will not be able to have a strike from the beginning, but, hey, if I believe that it is worthy, if I see the potential, I am not lazy at all. 

Parachutes

For me the expression “falling in love” has a totally literal meaning, as this is what I do: I completely let myself fall. And not only in love but in all kinds of relationships. I throw myself into the job I am doing, into the new hobby, and into the new people in my life.

It goes with out saying that most of the times the landing is not as gentle as expected. Of course I crash and then I have to recover and then I fall again, and crash again, and the same over and over…

So, 2 years ago I said to my coach: “Listen, Nicole, I need to find my parachute. I cannot help falling, so at least I should have a parachute!” And that was my assignment for the next two years. Yep, it wasn’t so easy to find. In my quest, I went skydiving last year. I needed to see how it would feel physically to surrender completely – with the safety of the parachute – and at the same time tick one more things off my bucket list.

It was a dead end… After landing the frustration was great. It was so much fun until the parachute opened! So, no solution there. And so I kept searching and thinking.

Then, one morning I woke up and I emailed Nicole: “I got it!!! I know what my parachute is: ME! I am my parachute!” I think I was even more excited by my discovery than Archimedes when he run through the streets naked crying “Eureka!”.

I was my parachute. It was up to me not to crash. I had all the knowledge, the skills, the brains not to let myself crash again.

So, I thought. I forgot the willingness to use them or the spirit and the mentality to do so. You see, for me having any kind of relationship with anyone and anything, involves a level (a very high level) of trust, passion and surrender. I offer myself to whatever and whoever it may be. No reservations, no precautions, nothing. Fully open, honest, to any romantic, friendly or professional relationship. That means I found out with the first chance in practice that this parachute wasn’t working, because I was just not using it. Frustration and back to the quest.

Until last evening driving back home, fast as usual. My quest was over, I had found my answer: I didn’t need any parachute. I didn’t want any parachute.

No life can be lived with protections and precautions. At least no life as I perceive it. The parachute means fear. It feeds the fear. How can I experience everything that is there if I slow myself down? Why should I want to slow down in the first place? Falling is great. Falling is amazing. Falling is life. I fall because I decide to live my life and not hide from it. Because I choose to love even with the risk of being hurt. But, if I don’t let myself be exposed to this risk, how else shall I even have a chance for love?

Not everybody will love us, not everybody will catch us, not everybody will fall with us. But you know something? If they do, it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

After all, with the knowledge now of so many crashes, there is no bad landing. There is only learning and growing, once we decide to see beyond the pain. And that’s what I choose.