Balancing Tolerance and Boundaries

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. (Brené Brown) 

Having gone through two very tough years and a few weeks of hell, I had one concern during a business meeting: not losing my tolerance.

Having followed through with all tasks and responsibilities without making any allowances for how I was or what was going on in my life, I feared I might lose tolerance for others and expect them to have no excuses or to push themselves  equally hard. Which seemed to me unfair on them to some extent.

But – there is a ‘but’ here – the question came: what about boundaries? Again, a matter of balance: being tolerant and at the same time keeping boundaries.

It is essential that we keep boundaries – of roles, responsibilities, what is expected and what is accepted – within this tolerance. Otherwise there is an abuse : of patience, of understanding, of compassion, of love.

This week is about the balance between tolerance and boundaries, honoring my values of respect, integrity and fairness.

The Equation of Hate (and how to change it)

The essence of manipulation and the origin of hate: Fear applied to ignorance produces hate.

Resist Fear.

Fight Ignorance.

Nourish Love. 

On Love II

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.”

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

“Had we not loved ourselves at all, we could never have been obliged to love anything. So that self-love is the basis of all love.”

Thomas Traherne

“Love is a passionate commitment that we nurture and develop.”

Julian Baggini, What is Love? Five theories on the greatest emotion of all

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“When it comes to real human prosperity, the truest denominator of a life searingly well lived is love.”

“None of us belong here. But we are here. And there’s not enough time. Cut the bullshit. Love."

Umair Haque, Why Love Matters More (And Less) Than You Think

For an open agenda

“Make sure you are expressing your goals and vision”, I read in an article. “As part of your motivation, your values and as part of what you stand for” it continued.

Oh, how different things would be if only people were expressing their true goals and we all knew who was standing for what.  If everyone, especially our aspiring leaders in any field, expressed their true agenda openly and honestly, how followers would respond then?

"Openness, transparency - these are among the few weapons the citizenry has to protect itself from the powerful and the corrupt." (Michael Moore) 

On Integrity

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. 
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the trough. Do the right think because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity. 
~ W. Clement Stone

It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.
~ Francis Bacon

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. 
~ Douglas Adams

It is true that integrity alone won't make you a leader, but without integrity you will never be one. 

~ Zig Ziglar

Integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions based on values rather than personal gain. 

~ Unknown 

If everyone were clother with integrity,if every heart were just, frank, kindly, the other virtues would be well-night useless, since their chief purpose is to make us bear with patience the injustice of our fellows.  

~ Jean Baptiste Molière, Le Misanthrope 

Integrity is the essence of everything successful.

~ R. Buckminster Fuller

On Leadership and Integrity

Be the model of what you are talking about. 

No Excuses

With the shocking increase of votes for a neo-nazi party in Greece in the local elections, I have been constantly hearing the excuse that 'people are angry; it’s a vote of reaction'.

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.” (William Arthur Ward)

There are no excuses anymore. In the information era, one should have by now a very clear idea of who they are voting for.

Practicing our fundamental right to vote means responsibility. And the greater the problems, the greater the responsibility. Even for a vote of 'reaction', we have the responsibility to learn, research, to keep informed and to make a decision that provides answers.

I accept no excuses. If we are responsible citizens, then we focus our energy on finding solutions; on making progress and not excuses. 

Define Your Values!

When values are defined, decisions are easy.

Helping out on a project lately, I was feeling stressed. Finally, I uncovered the real source of my stress: “I don't feel comfortable”, I said to another colleague, “I do not see our values reflected in the actions taken.”

Every time I start working with a new client, the first thing we explore together are values; personal values or the values of the organization. Most of the clients are skeptical of how much value values add to our work. But I am lucky enough to work with people who are curious and trust me, so they forget their reservations and we start. And once we have clarified values deeply, the magic begins!

Ideas that they have never previously considered open before their eyes, they gain new clarity on their path so far, and the path they want to create. They understand better or re-examine their vision and, most importantly, become capable of making decisions, choosing their resources, their partnerships, their next steps with ease.

Values help any individual make consistent decisions and sleep at night. They help us establish what is important in our life, shape our behavior and support our happiness.

For any organization one of the most important elements in the business building process is defining the values they stand for as an organization.

Stress and conflict is avoided while alignment and harmony are gained and motivation and commitment increases.

In both cases, we become able to attract the right people (partners, customers, employees) relevant to us, what matters to us and what we create.

We are systems, organisms, who are in the constant process of doing. And we need to make sure that our being (our values) is in harmony with that doing.

Take some time to explore and identify your values and what they mean to you. Then enjoy the benefits such clarity will bring to your decision making. 

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments: Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World