Regaining Integrity

“Can you restore your integrity and if yes, how?” was the first question I received after the previous post, followed by the second question “What does integrity mean to you?”

The first answer is easy: Yes.

Of course we can restore integrity, like, I believe, we can restore anything – with more or less effort. The "how" is directly connected with the second question: what is integrity actually?

The dictionary defines Integrity as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. So, if we are honest and we have strong moral principles, we live a life of integrity, right?

Well, actually no. Having strong moral principles is one thing. Following them in all situations is another. Perhaps that is why I like the quotation “Integrity means that you are the same in public as you are in private.” This is the honesty that I appreciate.

Now back to the question of how it can be restored - just by making the decision and the commitment to be honest and to act in all situations according to our values and moral principles.

But that is not the problem. The real problem and challenge is whether we can restore what had been compromised when we lost our integrity: trust. You see, when we gamble with out integrity through the compromises we make which we think that are indispensible, there is an important collateral damage: losing the trust of others. Then, the question becomes if and how we restore trust.

Think personal, but think business too: what does it mean losing the trust of your partner, your friends, your peers, your clients,…

Bottom line is: never gamble with your integrity. The long-term losses are much higher that any temporary gain.

Is What You Are Doing Serving You?

Is what you are doing serving you?   

By serving you I mean does it bring you closer to your goal?

Is it congruent with your commitment to self-care? 

Does it support your growth, learning, and development?

Is it pulling you forward or is it pushing you back?

Does it feed any of your insecurities, fears, undesired beliefs and feelings?

Does it make you feel better and be better? 

If yes, good. Go on, keep doing it.

If not, stop. 

Fighting Inertia

A friend asked me just a moment ago, why someone who is not satisfied with a situation doesn’t do anything about it.

He himself is feeling frustrated and stressed about something specific in his life. He knows exactly what he wants to change, he has a very concrete image of what he wants to achieve, yet he does nothing for it.

“Why is that?” he asked me.

Our change starts the moment we bravely face the situation and acknowledge the problem. That is always the first step. So, from that perspective, he is doing something.

The second step is done when we reach out to a professional who we know can help us.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”, says a Buddhist proverb.

That’s when we make a decision to work consciously on what we want to achieve – our third step – and we are able to recognize our “teacher”; the person who will accompany us on our journey of change.

Sometimes, the "why" my friend asked may be hiding in many different reasons:

• A structure that we are missing (aka the right professional)
• A commitment from our side (our decision)
• A underlying belief that is supported by the current situation
• A fear of the unknown, the unfamiliar
• A lack of connection with a vision

All of the above increase our self doubt and lack of confidence and the voice of the inner critic – this saboteur inside our head – becomes louder; we create excuses, we rationalize so many things to support our inertia; our frustration, even our stress levels increase (my friend suffers from stress). Depending on the levels of stress and distrust in ourselves, our decision-making ability is affected and we dive deeper into this vicious circle.

How to get rid of this circle?

Acknowledge the situation, make a decision, find the right person to help you, create a plan, enjoy your change. 

Getting Better with Active Questions

During a presentation with the title “Why We Don’t Do What We Know We Should Do: and How We Can Improve Our Odds on Getting Better!” at the WBECS, Marshall Goldsmith shared six active questions:

Did I do my best to:

1. Set clear goals?
2. Make progress toward goal achievement?
3. Build positive relationships?
4. Be happy?
5. Find meaning?
6. Be fully engaged?

Such active questions encourage people to think about what they can do to take responsibility for a situation.

If you were going to create your own list of six active questions to improve your odds on getting better, what would these questions be? 

The Freedom of Self-Management

“What is self-management?” was the question today. To discover, once again, that it all begins with self-love.

Self management goes beyond any discipline that we impose on ourselves. It’s about how we handle our emotions, our ability to respond rather than react to situations, how we cope with stress. It is about what our relationship with our body and health is in practice: how we show self care and respect. It is about what we do with our money, our time and our people. It is about our dedication to what matters to us most and how we follow through the commitments that arise from this dedication. It is about the life we live in accordance to our values.

It is about our thoughts and beliefs, about our perceptions and misconceptions. It is about attaining awareness of these, so that we can address any issue, make the right decisions, take the right action at any given moment.

It all starts with self-love. The secret ingredient without which no self-management will have any reason to exist and happen.

With self-love come the value and respect that we give to our values, our goals, our bodies, our lives.

The result? Freedom. The unique freedom that we are the masters of our lives. 

Rumors: Don't Be an Idiot!

Rumor: noun. A currently circulating story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth. (Oxford Dictionaries) 

“Rumors are nearly as old as human history, but with the rise of the Internet, they have become ubiquitous. In fact we are now awash in them. False rumors are especially troublesome; they impose real damage on individuals and institutions, and they often resist correction. They can threaten careers, policies, public officials, and sometimes even democracy itself.” (Cass R. Sunstein)

They can be harmful and destructive.

Next time you hear a rumor ask yourself what are the facts and distinguish rumor from reality.

“People should get their information from the source with facts before sharing it. Rumors can be lots of different opinions, based on what other people think. This is where lies begin to build and develop into things that are harmful to others.” (Ellen J. Barrier)

Remember:

“Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.” (Ziad K. Abdelnour)

 Most often

“Rumors are mostly a projection of the individual who started them.” (Roya R. Rad)

Separate yourself from such an individual and before spreading rumors, keep in mind that

“A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.” (Terry Pratchett)

Whether they are personal or professional, rumors can cause misfortunes; they can easily destroy reputations, careers and relationships.

“Serious misfortunes, originating in misrepresentation, frequently flow and spread before they can be dissipated by truth.” (George Washington) 

Do you want to be responsible for such misfortunes? For one is equally accountable for spreading rumors, not only when generating them.

“A rumor is a social cancer: it is difficult to contain and it rots the brains of the masses. However, the real danger is that so many people find rumors enjoyable. That part causes the infection. And in such cases when a rumor is only partially made of truth, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly where the information may have gone wrong. It is passed on and on until some brave soul questions its validity; that brave soul refuses to bite the apple and let the apple eat him. Forced to start from scratch for the sake of purity and truth, that brave soul, figuratively speaking, fully amputates the information in order to protect his personal judgment. In other words, his ignorance is to be valued more than the lie believed to be true.”  (Chriss Jami)

Be a brave soul.

11 Myths and 5 Facts about Self-Confidence

photo credit: http://netwars4.deviantart.com/art/Self-Confidence-192487496

Myths:

You are either born with it or without. You either have self-confidence or you don't. 
False. Self-confidence is like a skill. You can develop it and conquer it. You just need to do the work.

Smart, talented, skillful, handsome or successful people are confident. 
False. Self-confidence is not based on status, gifts or looks.

People who perform well are highly self-confident. 
False. There are many people who do not relate their performance or behavior to their worth.

Comparing ourselves to others and seeing “how much more” we are, increases our self-confidence. 
False. Actually, comparing ourselves to others, regardless of how many things we have or are, feeds our fears and insecurities, all the parts of ourself that we feel as weaknesses.

Self-confidence is an essential ingredient to success. 
False. Yeah, right; all successful people are full of self-confident. Many times, it can be quite the opposite. People who lack confidence and have a low sense of self-worth may diligently pursue success to prove their worth to themselves.

People with high self-confidence are arrogant. 
False. The truth is that many people who suffer from arrogance are trying to cover their insecurities.

We will gain confidence once we have achieved x. 
False. We dare do x exactly because we feel confident doing it.

Receiving acknowledgement increases someone's confidence. 
False. Partly. Only when a person is able to acknowledge his/her own achievements, actions, talents, skills, etc, will his/her self-confidence consistently increase. 

Only self-confident people take risks. 
Not necessarily. If you are self-confident, that might not feel like such a risk, right? Risk takers are disengaged from the outcome of the action taken. They may lack self-confidence but they have a strong commitment to the purpose of their risk.

Only a big accomplishment can restore our self-confidence. 
False. Small changes, tiny steps, can make a big difference.

A low profile person is someone with low self-confidence. 
There may be cases where a low profile person also has low self-confidence, but this is definitely not a rule. A low profile person may well be a very confident introvert.

Facts:

Self-confidence inspires trust. A confident person is more likely to gain the trust of a potential client – and contract – than someone who is projecting her/his insecurity.

Confident people feel comfortable publicly sharing their achievements and their mistakes. They feel good about both their strengths and their weaknesses.

With action comes more confidence.

This is a good circle: action generates more confidence and the more confident we are the more action we take.

We are responsible for our self-confidence.

Ok, we can blame our parents for how they raised us, we can blame our teachers for how they treated us and many others, but once we become adults, the only person really responsible for our self-confidence is ourself and only ourself.

You cannot have self-confidence without self-love. 

You want to feel confident? Love yourself!