If...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

                    Rudyard Kipling, If: A Father's Advice to His Son 

Happiness

An ordinary scene: my two nieces and their buddy around a table, eating pizza and telling jokes. And just with this view, seeing them healthy, carefree, smiling, growing up, one word only filled my mind and my heart:

Actions vs Symptoms

As an introvert, I have always found any situation that required me to be in a group for more than a day, without any free time for myself, challenging.

I know that sometimes I was judged as strange or aloof when I removed myself from the crowd, just for a while, to recharge.

I am lucky enough now to be in a profession where every one knows – more or less – what being an introvert means and that if I isolate myself for a while I am not being antisocial; when I am engaging in one on one conversations it’s not because I reject others.

Nowadays we can find a plethora of articles about introverts, so it’s ok now to be a “weirdo” and you do not have to apologize for your behavior any more.

What happens though with other traits of ours, or conditions that cannot be changed and which define or control our actions?

I have a health condition, which is balanced and controlled through diet. I must eat regularly and specific things. If not, I get symptoms. Physical symptoms I can cope with. But when I get the emotional symptoms it's a nightmare, even if the crisis only lasts for 20 minutes. Such symptoms obviously affect my behavior.

Recently, after unfortunately having a crisis, I apologized for my behavior. I felt horrible and really bad. What made me feel worse was the fact that the others present were expecting me to control my actions during the crisis, unable to accept the fact that it was a symptom that could not be overcome cognitively. 

The next day I was skeptical: if I were suffering from an obvious illness, I wouldn’t have to apologize for my symptoms.

Three years ago I wrote a short post about the transient nature of appearance. We get easily judged for what seem to be our actions.

This can go much deeper as a problem, when we are expected to apologize for actions that go beyond our control, losing any empathy or understanding that we should have (let alone help). 

Rumors: Don't Be an Idiot!

Rumor: noun. A currently circulating story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth. (Oxford Dictionaries) 

“Rumors are nearly as old as human history, but with the rise of the Internet, they have become ubiquitous. In fact we are now awash in them. False rumors are especially troublesome; they impose real damage on individuals and institutions, and they often resist correction. They can threaten careers, policies, public officials, and sometimes even democracy itself.” (Cass R. Sunstein)

They can be harmful and destructive.

Next time you hear a rumor ask yourself what are the facts and distinguish rumor from reality.

“People should get their information from the source with facts before sharing it. Rumors can be lots of different opinions, based on what other people think. This is where lies begin to build and develop into things that are harmful to others.” (Ellen J. Barrier)

Remember:

“Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.” (Ziad K. Abdelnour)

 Most often

“Rumors are mostly a projection of the individual who started them.” (Roya R. Rad)

Separate yourself from such an individual and before spreading rumors, keep in mind that

“A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.” (Terry Pratchett)

Whether they are personal or professional, rumors can cause misfortunes; they can easily destroy reputations, careers and relationships.

“Serious misfortunes, originating in misrepresentation, frequently flow and spread before they can be dissipated by truth.” (George Washington) 

Do you want to be responsible for such misfortunes? For one is equally accountable for spreading rumors, not only when generating them.

“A rumor is a social cancer: it is difficult to contain and it rots the brains of the masses. However, the real danger is that so many people find rumors enjoyable. That part causes the infection. And in such cases when a rumor is only partially made of truth, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly where the information may have gone wrong. It is passed on and on until some brave soul questions its validity; that brave soul refuses to bite the apple and let the apple eat him. Forced to start from scratch for the sake of purity and truth, that brave soul, figuratively speaking, fully amputates the information in order to protect his personal judgment. In other words, his ignorance is to be valued more than the lie believed to be true.”  (Chriss Jami)

Be a brave soul.

11 Myths and 5 Facts about Self-Confidence

photo credit: http://netwars4.deviantart.com/art/Self-Confidence-192487496

Myths:

You are either born with it or without. You either have self-confidence or you don't. 
False. Self-confidence is like a skill. You can develop it and conquer it. You just need to do the work.

Smart, talented, skillful, handsome or successful people are confident. 
False. Self-confidence is not based on status, gifts or looks.

People who perform well are highly self-confident. 
False. There are many people who do not relate their performance or behavior to their worth.

Comparing ourselves to others and seeing “how much more” we are, increases our self-confidence. 
False. Actually, comparing ourselves to others, regardless of how many things we have or are, feeds our fears and insecurities, all the parts of ourself that we feel as weaknesses.

Self-confidence is an essential ingredient to success. 
False. Yeah, right; all successful people are full of self-confident. Many times, it can be quite the opposite. People who lack confidence and have a low sense of self-worth may diligently pursue success to prove their worth to themselves.

People with high self-confidence are arrogant. 
False. The truth is that many people who suffer from arrogance are trying to cover their insecurities.

We will gain confidence once we have achieved x. 
False. We dare do x exactly because we feel confident doing it.

Receiving acknowledgement increases someone's confidence. 
False. Partly. Only when a person is able to acknowledge his/her own achievements, actions, talents, skills, etc, will his/her self-confidence consistently increase. 

Only self-confident people take risks. 
Not necessarily. If you are self-confident, that might not feel like such a risk, right? Risk takers are disengaged from the outcome of the action taken. They may lack self-confidence but they have a strong commitment to the purpose of their risk.

Only a big accomplishment can restore our self-confidence. 
False. Small changes, tiny steps, can make a big difference.

A low profile person is someone with low self-confidence. 
There may be cases where a low profile person also has low self-confidence, but this is definitely not a rule. A low profile person may well be a very confident introvert.

Facts:

Self-confidence inspires trust. A confident person is more likely to gain the trust of a potential client – and contract – than someone who is projecting her/his insecurity.

Confident people feel comfortable publicly sharing their achievements and their mistakes. They feel good about both their strengths and their weaknesses.

With action comes more confidence.

This is a good circle: action generates more confidence and the more confident we are the more action we take.

We are responsible for our self-confidence.

Ok, we can blame our parents for how they raised us, we can blame our teachers for how they treated us and many others, but once we become adults, the only person really responsible for our self-confidence is ourself and only ourself.

You cannot have self-confidence without self-love. 

You want to feel confident? Love yourself!

Everything Needs a Break

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. (Ovid)

I am not sure about the bountiful crop of this blog, but this field had decided to take the day off, rest and to get ready for new crop.

So, today’s post is dedicated to rest. 

There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither. (Alan Cohen)

On Missed Opportunities

A question arrived in my inbox today from an old client and very charismatic young man: Had you ever happened to get very close to what you believed to be the opportunity of a lifetime and miss it?

The question derived from a very recent experience where he had the opportunity to get what he believed to be his dream-job and didn’t make it.

The first thought was from a short conversation with an aunt of mine some years ago. I was visiting her for Easter when she asked me about the man I was dating. I told her about the breakup and she simply replied “well, it wasn’t him”.

My response every time someone tells me about how he or she lost the love of his or her life, or the opportunity of a lifetime is always the same: if it were the love of your life or the opportunity of your life, you wouldn’t have lost it.

I also remember the words of a client of mine: the master will appear when the student is ready.

In 1994, I might have missed my lifetime opportunity when I met with the Master of my dream-job. I say ‘might’ because I cannot know. Would I have been happy and successful in that path? I cannot know; I can only make assumptions. But what is the point of that?

So, here is my perspective on the missed opportunity of a lifetime:

1. If we have missed it, it wasn’t ‘our’ opportunity. If it is our opportunity we can chase it again and again until we make it.
2. I believe that we create our opportunities. If we are lucky enough to know what is it that we want, to know what our opportunity is like, then we go after it and we do not give up until we reach it.
3. My questions would be about what makes this our dream (job, partner, career, etc). How do we know it?
4. Finally, how ready are we for it? What are we doing to prepare ourselves to be ready when the master, the opportunity will appear?

I know that I have missed many chances because I wasn’t ready. I was too insecure, had little knowledge, less skills, less confidence, or I just wasn’t sure.

On the other hand, I have seized many other opportunities having no idea where they would lead me. Actually, those were simple things, tasks, hobbies, even problems, all opportunities in disguise.

And I know that I do not regret a thing because:

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” Ralph Waldo Emerson