I have a problem: I trust others easily. I have a strength: I can trust others. What is the fine line that defines when a characteristic is not longer a quality, but becomes a problem? How do I know how much trust is too much trust?
These last two weeks I was involved in some business transactions and as always I wasn’t very thorough with the details of the agreements. I trusted that the other side wouldn’t fool me. As you can see, I operate from this “every one is innocent until proven guilty” place. For me EVERYONE is trustworthy until proven otherwise.
Ok, on both occasions they were proven otherwise. They fooled me and I was really angry. Especially in the first instance, I was so angry I was about to call a friend who rarely trusts anyone and tell him “I wish I were more like you. This would never have happened to you!”
Then, the anger passed. I couldn’t give up trust and become a suspicious resentful me. What had I really lost? Some money? Big deal. I remembered my most important truth: giving up on trust carries more risks than being fooled. I may trust easily and maybe too much, but this brings me opportunities. It brings opportunities to others too. When I was working with children I trusted them to be more than the nasty, incompetent little brats the other teachers saw. I trusted they were smart, talented little treasures, and what do you know? They were!
Trust brings opportunities to my clients and to my friends. It brings me the opportunity to have a deeper connection with people, by simply trusting them.
Pat Obuchowski, a fellow coach, posted a couple of days ago her daily Mantra: “Want to build trust? Be more vulnerable.” Walter Anderson wrote that “We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” I say it takes courage to trust. Just like every time we let ourselves be vulnerable to others. And although the temptations and excuses to stop trusting are too many, the rewards of trusting are priceless. So, how do we skip the temptations? Maybe trust is like love. Having it is not enough; we need to keep feeding it so that it won’t fade.
I have a strength: I dare to trust others J
The Thin Book of Trust; An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work
This is great Katerina. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who cannot abandon trust, no matter how much it repeatedly costs me, both financially and emotionally. I always thought of it as a weakness, but now I see it is actually a strength. Thank you for enlightening me.
ReplyDeleteOn Trust
ReplyDeleteYou can trust and feel safe, you can’t trust and hide yourself
Hide yourself from others does not make you trustworthy, just obsolete
Show yourself to the Calliban and they will decide how they will treat you
Portray your capabilities and the stadium will decide
Caesar’s thumb will not change anything at all regardless point up or down
Only you and every other “you” have the chance to create a trustsland
My strength is my weakness and my fears are my bridges
So it goes for societies
Katerina. This is a great posting, congratulations. It makes me remember a quote, "Walls they keep the world away, but something trapped inside".
ReplyDeleteit's nice to be able to trust.. it does fill you with love and joy... what about all these idiots who can be called at least superficial if not deranged... who betray your trust..??
ReplyDeleteThank you Halina :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to see the other, more empowering, perspective ;-)
Facilitator, great comments! Thanks :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Leonardo!
ReplyDeleteGreat quote, thanks for sharing it too. Very useful to have it always in mind :-)
Anonymous, trust, like love, is not a means to an end. Of course there have been and there will be people that will betray us. I would suggest here Don Miguel Ruiz's second (of his four) agreement: don't take anything personally. It is about who these people decide them to be. Don't take anything personally, and do not allow their actions to influence who you are.
ReplyDeleteI squarely agree Kate.
ReplyDelete..... and to reinforce your approach, I' ve always believed that even if things turn "sore" with a Friend, giving her/him the "Benefit of Doubt" (up until you gain a better understanding of his overall Situation) is the best choice.
Taking into account what Psychologists call the Recency Effect (a cognitive bias that results from disproportionate salience of recent stimuli or observations), we all need to "Cool off" before we draw "Safe Conclusions"....
Just to follow up on my previous comment, I see now that the weakness is in the person who betrays the trust and not in the person who gives it.
ReplyDeleteThank you George for your input. What you're bringing is so true and so important. I must confess my impulsive spirit prevents me sometimes to give myself (and the other) that space to cool off before reacting (and soon afterwards regret it)
ReplyDeleteExactly Halina ;-)
ReplyDelete