Help Others

Guest blog post by John Economou

“Help others”. This was one of the two pieces of advice that Lattie  F. Coor gave to me and to the rest of the graduates on Dec 13th, 2001 during the Commencement Ceremony at A.S.U. It sounded like the kind of wake up call I needed.

Just like most of you I assume, I've received help from others quite often. While growing up,  whether it was at camp, through playing sports, while in college or at work. Pretty much all the time, now that I think about it. I admit it, it feels good to know 'people have your back'. 

So, there comes a time when you realize that it is your turn to “help others”. Not because you “have to”, but because you want to. Because you know that even doing a small favor for someone else, just might mean the world to him/her. Just like it meant a lot to you when others helped you.

Ιf you acknowledge that people helped you so far in your life, maybe now it is your time to “give back” and start helping others.

Great Hearts

What Is Fear and How to Overcome It

What is Fear? 

An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm:

1. A feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety of someone;
2. The likelihood of something unwelcome happening;

3. A mixed feeling of dread and reverence.

Fear is a series of reactions in the brain triggered by a stressful stimulus and ending with such physical reactions as tense muscles, rapid heartbeat and rushed breathing. This is the well-known fight, flight or freeze response.

Fear, triggered by the amygdala, is one of nature’s earliest survival mechanisms. During the early beginnings of life, nature developed the amygdalae as special purpose organs in the brain to remember and respond to danger signals.

What was purposed to help us survive, now has become a mechanism that often prevent us from living.

The most common acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real and some of its side effects are:

-  Indecisiveness that results in stagnation

-  Anxiety and stress

-  Resistance to change

-  Lack of self-confidence

-  Life becomes centered on pessimism

-  Errors in judgement

-  Fight, flight, or freeze reactions

-  Doubt

-  Anger

-  Hate

How to overcome fear?

Although we assume it would be hard to break free from fear, it is not.

Here are some ideas and steps to help us overcome fear:

• Acknowledge it. Name the fear, write it down, measure it.
• Get control of your imagination. Visualize yourself in the situation you are dreading, but this time see yourself calm, confident and composed.
• Breathe. Focus on your breath. Take a deep breath and slowly breathe out.

The above will kickstart your thinking brain (neocortex). Once you start with these steps, the next ones will be easier:

• Don’t believe your thoughts. Challenge your assumptions and the false evidences that appear real.
• Make a list of the benefits you or others will get once you face your fear.
• Disengage from the outcome.
• Make a list of your strengths.
• Release control.
• Be comfortable with the unknown, the new, and the uncomfortable.
• Get busy. Focus on what needs to be done, just do it and focus your attention and energy on that.
• Exercise! (Yes, it does have a positive effect on fear too.)
• Expose yourself to your fear(s).
• Replace fear with curiosity and fun.
• Get a coach.

"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." (Jiddu Krishnamurti)

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost (1874-1963), Mountain Interval 

The Equation of Hate (and how to change it)

The essence of manipulation and the origin of hate: Fear applied to ignorance produces hate.

Resist Fear.

Fight Ignorance.

Nourish Love. 

30 + 1 Things To Do When You Are Bored

This post was co-authored with my niece, a teenager who is always bored.

Here is a list of 30 things to do when you are bored:

1. Surf the web: search for things you like, articles that spark your interest, or just read posts like this.
2. Organize your closet.
3. Tidy up your room; or your office; or your entire home.
4. Do your laundry.
5. Cook your favorite meal, or try a new recipe. In the case of my niece, it’s always souvlaki.
6. Build something. Make something creative with your hands.
7. Fix things around the house.
8. Call a friend. Go for a walk to the park, play, or plan any activity together.
9. Learn something new. A new hobby, a new skill, a new language, or even new words from the dictionary.
10. Clean up your computer.
11. Organize your photos. Create digital or printed albums.
12. Exercise. Ride your bicycle, go up and down the stairs, go jogging.
13. Practice something you already know; like playing the guitar.
14. Read a book.
15. Write a book.
16. Make a bucket list.
17. Put your favorite music on and dance.
18. Bathe your dog, clean your aquarium, or play with your cat. Take care of your pets. 
19. Take care of your plants.
20. Volunteer to help someone for the day.
21. Write and send a thank you note to someone who did something nice for you.
22. Camp out in the garden, backyard, or inside the house if there is no other option.
23. Watch a movie, preferably at an open-air cinema.
24. Take a nap.
25. Pick up any volume of the Junior Chuckwoods Guidebook. Have fun reading it and why not, try any of the ideas you will find in it.
26. Make a playlist of your favorite songs.
27. Organize a board game championship with your family.
28. Offer to babysit a toddler. You will not have time to get bored.
29. Make some bubbles. 
30. Do something awesome.
31. Write a blog post about things to do when you are bored.

Exhausting Possibilities

When faced with situations the first impulse is to deal with them with what we know best. What we have done successfully in the past, what we feel comfortable doing, what we know doing. We see things from a specific perspective and the possibilities that we become aware of are a result of this perspective.

So, when we think we have exhausted all possibilities, we must remember this: we have exhausted all possibilities that are within our awareness. 

There are still unexplored possibilities and options.

And if indeed there is absolutely nothing that can be done, then maybe it’s time to consider if the situation is actually one that we can control. Then, another possibility appears: to accept what is, for we have no control over it. We can only adapt, adjust, or leave.

When you (think) you have exhausted all possibilities, remember: there is one more answer that hasn’t been thought of yet. 

What Stories Will You Tell?

“One day, we’ll be old and think about the stories that we could have told.”

Every now and then in our lives we catch ourselves wondering about all these ‘What If’s’. Because in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take. All the stories that we could have created, had we taken those chances.

What life do you want?

Start creating now the stories that one day you will tell. 

Things I Am Thankful For - Today

Yesterday, as part of a game-chain on facebook, I had been “nominated” by a colleague to post three positive things for the next 5 days.

Now, I do not like chains and I hate to follow such games. I can see their value in some cases, but I prefer the spontaneity of posting freely without rules. Plus, lately I've become irritated with the “P” word (positive – positivity).

As a polite person I accepted the challenge, also seeing the fun part of it. For one day. Letting aside any ideas and opinions I have about chains, I do not want to post three positive things about my day. I can post countless things for which I am grateful.

So, here is my list of things for which I am grateful, thankful and positive today:

1. I am alive.
2. I can get out of bed, I can walk and I can run.
3. I can make decisions and have control over my career.
4. I can breathe. This basic function that we execute 12-20 times per minute and take for granted, with which we come to life.
5. I can see. The first time I tried contact lenses I said excited “so, that is how people see!”.
6. The ability to control my emotions and my mood. Anyone having any kind of experience or knowledge of depression, bipolar and other mental health issues can understand how grateful one can feel not to be in the mercy of any of these.
7. I am lucky to still enjoy the presence of my parents.
8. I left a hospital today with a smile. First time these past years.
9. My nieces are healthy.
10. I have a roof over my head.
11. I have control over my body.
12. I can sing and I can dance and I do not care if I am bad at singing.
13. My wonderful loving friends.
14. The people in my life, people that I admire and who are my role models.
15. My mistakes.
16. My work.
17. The smell of the fresh coffee in the morning.
18. Summer, my favorite season.
19. Blue skies.
20. The sea, calm or rough.
21. My memories, good or bad.
22. Art; Any kind of art, for the beauty of it.
23. The smile of random faces in the street.
24. The unexpected offering of a young neuroscientists's help with an article I am writing.
25. The sound of crickets.
26. That I can make plans and dream.
27. That I love.
28. That I am loved. 

 

Painting by Pedro Arnoldo Cruz Sunu

The Truth about Winning (for things that matter)

Only if you fight are you likely to win. 

What are you hiding?

At some point in our lives we all live in closets. All a closet is, is a heart conversation. 
We are all hiding something. In this talk, Ash Beckham invites us to find the courage to open up, because the closet is no place for a person to truly live. 

On Love II

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.”

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

“Had we not loved ourselves at all, we could never have been obliged to love anything. So that self-love is the basis of all love.”

Thomas Traherne

“Love is a passionate commitment that we nurture and develop.”

Julian Baggini, What is Love? Five theories on the greatest emotion of all

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“When it comes to real human prosperity, the truest denominator of a life searingly well lived is love.”

“None of us belong here. But we are here. And there’s not enough time. Cut the bullshit. Love."

Umair Haque, Why Love Matters More (And Less) Than You Think

On Love

Love is strange says Mickey and Sylvia's song, but I prefer to say, write and believe what one of my coaches taught me:

       "Love is patient, love is kind.

       It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

       It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

       it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

       Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

       It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

       Love never fails."

                                                                                 (Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Anger vs Passion

As my colleague Deah Curry pointed out in this recent post, we confuse anger and passion. I think it is safe to say we can observe two main confusions – assumptions:

Other people’ assumptions:

“My passion and energy get mistaken for anger.” Gary Oldman

Our own assumptions:

I mistake my anger for passion.

We cannot control other people’s assumptions, but we can work on our own assumptions. Being mindful of what it is we are experiencing and consciously choosing what we feed and how can have a significant impact on our life. 

The Lure and Logic of Outrage

Photo credit: Mark-Chadwick ©2010-2014

Guest blog post by Deah Curry PhD

Last Monday I had a moment that lasted the whole day long, and seeped a little bit into Tuesday, like a greedy thief of my normally rational mind. 

I didn’t like it. It was not a happy sunshine and champagne kind of moment.  No, it was a shock, outrage, and despair moment.

The cause of this perturbation is not really important. What mattered was how I reacted, how caught up I got, how my own ugly dark side got fueled, and how it grew within me a scary desire to lash out and hurt everyone I perceived to be even remotely associated with the cause.

Ugh. Not my finest moment, to be sure.

No, on that day I was an inspiration to no one, much less a help, nor a model of sanity or critical thinking.  I was far from an example of spiritual compassion.  I had failed to walk the path of higher Truth and Wisdom.  Not that I don’t fail that ideal a little bit on other days, too, but this was a major detour.

On that day, I was one with the ranters. It was an angry but impotent experience. How exhausting it must be to be in rant mode all the time, I thought for an instant as I took a breather tea break. And then another trigger came by, luring me back into my indignant – as in, lacking dignity – and outraged energy and off I went, chasing a virtual boogeyman across the social minefields of cyberspace.

Why am I sharing this with you?  

Well I learned a few things that may be worth contemplating, on a calm day, with a logical mind and nice glass of lemonade, and a cookie.

First, no matter who you are or where you are in life, there will be moments of outrage that sneak up on you. They may be well justified, or not, but that’s not what matters.  What matters is whether you can feel the outrage and retain at least a smidgen of capacity for self-reflection, because without the ability to observe yourself even when wearing the dark uglies of indignation, you aren’t learning and growing.

Second, anger is easily fueled but not so easily harnessed for empowered social change, or channeled into personally productive, constructive, problem-solving solutions. And we too often confuse anger and passion.

This moment of mine coached me on the difference – anger is exhausting, I realized from the depth of cellular knowing. And it makes me feel bad about everything.  Passion is energizing, and increases opportunities for inspiring sunshine and champagne moments.

I want more of those.

Anyone Can Change the World

Each and every one of us can and should contribute to creating a better world. 
Each and every one of us has the power to decide wether we want to be participants in creating the world we live in, or we choose to do nothing.